chap·ter·one

"You can start by shutting up," Angelus replied, crossing the room in a blaze of speed. Lilah had the good grace to look frightened when she realized he was in full game face and her long, delicate neck was in dire peril. "Hm. Better. Now, you've got that whole Angel obsession - but do you have any idea how long it's been since I had a nice, long, hot drink? Uh-uh-uh, not him. Me."

Lilah opened her mouth and closed it again. "I - not off the top of my head, no. How long?"

"I'd tell you to ask me again in half an hour, but you won't be alive to."

~*~

"Angel? What's wrong?" Wes asked, concern flooding his features. Angel looked like a normal person with no knowledge of the supernatural who'd seen a ghost.

"He's gone," Angel said, his eyes wide and his face paler than normal. "But he's not gone. I can still feel him, he's just not... in here. He's out there someplace."

"You mean he's -" Lorne turned a new and interesting shade of green as the implications of that statement settled in. "Oh. Oops?"

"Get on the phone," Wes ordered Angel. "You call Fred and Charles, I'll ring up Cordelia; get them here, now. Lorne, Connor needs a nappy change."

"What? Why me?" Lorne began to protest, his argument crumbling under the withering glares he received from both man and vampire. "Right, because I jumped the gun, so I get poop duty. No, no, makes sense."

"I knew it needed more work," Wesley said softly, looking as though he were broken, and Angel's heart ached to look at it. "It wasn't ready. No one is safe, now."

~*~

"I have a lot of resources at my command, Angelus. Anything you want, I can make it happen with just a few quick phone calls or keystrokes. I'm not a meal, I'm an ally, a valuable asset," Lilah said, the cracks in her calm, cool veneer showing clearly as Angelus teased her pulse with a very sharp fang. "Why throw all that away for a quick bite, when I can give you the world on a platter? I could even get you virgins. Don't vampires have a thing about virgins?"

Angelus snorted. "Right, you're gonna find me virgins in L.A."

"It's not like we can't import them," Lilah countered. "Do we have a deal?"

"I don't deal with humans," he replied. "I own them, or I eat them. How about let's play it by ear?"

"Absolutely, I wouldn't dream of - what's this?" Lilah babbled, allowing him to tuck something warm and wet into her hand. It was then that she felt the searing pain of the blade that had sliced through her flesh, and the warm dribble of blood down her chin followed by a cool tongue. She opened her palm to reveal - oh, Jesus - her own right ear, complete with half-carat diamond stud. Her office filled with the sound of evil laughter that was not her own.

~*~

"We can put the phone back on the hook now, Charles," Fred drawled. "Technically our vacation's over, an' what if Angel needs us?"

"Angel always needs us," Gunn pointed out. "But he usually goes in, sword blazin' like a idiot, without us, anyway. One more day ain't gonna make that much difference, baby."

"I don't think swords can blaze." A tinny, off-key version of "The Yellow Rose of Texas" played somewhere in the vicinity of Fred's handbag, and she looked sheepish. "Guess we missed one," she said, reaching for her purse.

"Naw, leave it," Gunn grinned, kissing a path up her arm. "You got voicemail. If it's an emergency, you'll get a text message, right?"

Fred nodded. "You're so smart sometimes, Charles. No wonder I keep you around," she smiled. Her purse clattered to the floor, and neither of them noticed when the impact dislodged the cell phone's battery, crippling it.

"And here I thought it was 'cause I'm so damn good lookin'."

"Well, there's that, too."

~*~

"There's no answer at Fred's, and I'm getting voicemail for her and Gunn," Angel announced, worry lining his eternally youthful face. "Did you get ahold of Cordy?"

Wes nodded. "She's on her way, but if she's not here in ten minutes I'm going out to look for her myself. They've probably just shut the phones down for privacy," he added. "You left them messages?" When Angel nodded, he smiled grimly. "That's all we can do for now. I haven't even got a clue where they've been camping out this past week."

Angel winced. He knew where they were, but he'd sworn not to tell Wes, because Gunn was worried he'd show up at the motel and make some grand gesture to try to win Fred's affections, something that Angel found disturbed him even more than seeing Cordy with Groo had. It was lucky for him that while he'd nearly memorized a fair few psychiatry texts, he didn't actually have a degree, so he could blissfully ignore whatever implications that might carry. "Angelus does," Angel realized. "Grab a sword, we're going -"

"No."

"No?"

"I'm staying here and waiting for Cordelia," Wes said calmly, and Angel recognized the 'acceptable risk' side of Wes, the side he liked to pretend wasn't really there. "Not that I don't trust Lorne, but he's not precisely fond of or skilled at battle, and someone needs to protect our - Connor."

That was a fun little slip-up, Angel thought. Wonder what Sigmund Freud and his contemporaries might say about that. "Right," he agreed. "You're right, of course." He got his favorite broadsword from the munitions cabinet and headed for the door, stopping to lay a hand on Wesley's shoulder. "Be careful." Wes looked startled and embarrassed, but Angel was comfy in his little pink bubble of ignorance.

The corners of Wesley's eyes crinkled as he half-smiled. "You too."

~*~

"Angel? What is it?" Fred looked startled to see him standing in the doorway looking half-crazed. "Is everything okay? Connor?"

The vampire stifled the urge to roll his eyes - he could care less about his 'better' half's brat, but he was gonna have to convince them he did. "The - Connor's fine, I just need you guys to come with me," he said, raising his eyebrows in a way that he hoped made him look stupid enough to be mistaken for Angel. "It's Wes. I think he's lost it." Well, he would lose it eventually, if he had his way. That one was gonna be all kinds of fun to break.

Gunn appeared behind Fred, nodding to Angelus. "Was kinda hopin' that wasn't gonna happen. I got all our things together, man. Let's go."

"Wait, where are we going?" Fred asked, as they ducked into the sewers from the basement of the motel and headed in the wrong direction. "The Hyperion's that way."

"Someplace safe," Angelus answered, hiding a smirk. For me, anyway.

~*~

"Sir? Did you forget something?" a pale copper-haired woman pushing a cleaning trolley asked. Angel looked up, startled.

"What?"

"You and your friends, did you forget something?" At his look of confusion, she frowned. "You were just here, you and that nice couple that's been here all week. Are you feeling all right? Would you like to sit down? I could get you a glass of water -"

"They checked out?" Angel asked, and he felt the dread growing in the pit of his stomach. "Thank you, miss. I, uh, I'll be fine." He dashed back to the basement. If he hadn't passed them in the sewers, they weren't headed for the Hyperion. If I were Angulus - and I used to be, so this shouldn't be too hard - where would I take my hostages? he wondered. Darla's voice filled his head with laughter, and even though he knew it wasn't real, it chilled him to the bone. Darling boy, Angelus doesn't take hostages. He keeps people for one of two purposes - snacks, and toys.